after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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