I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
