Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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