I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
