Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
