Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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