i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
