I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
