just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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