im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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