I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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