I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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