so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
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