I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.