he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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