R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.