i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs