do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green