I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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