Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
