I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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