Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So vagazzling was a success
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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