respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
