...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
