Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
