the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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