I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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