i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
