I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
