"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
