I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
