if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
