Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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