I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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