i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
