ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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