i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
