yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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