Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I faked an abortion last night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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