the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
