I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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