nut hugger
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
