I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
