If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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