So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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