you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
