i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
