I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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