half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
