I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
