did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
