I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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