Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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