Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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