Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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