i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
