i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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