I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so let's talk penis.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
