"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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