woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
