I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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