Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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