Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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