I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
