you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
